In different colors

I wish I could touch my heart, i hear its RED in there. Last night i felt so loved that my heart palpitated and turned "clay" and perhaps red that i almost dug my hand in there to have a feel.
Hmm, imagine how it feels to be in LOVE, note i did not say fall in love? I mean to grow through thorns and thistles and you are the ONLY two roses curling on "enemy-shrubs" for life? Those brambles struggle to grow in our vine but we tethered a goat to get rid of the berries to the roots. I mean its tasking to stay in LOVE but we choose to love LOVE and grow through the seasons.

When its raining,it gets so emotional. The rains rid every murky feeling and helps grow our garden.Its in the rain we do our crying and in the rain we hang on( we don't mind if it drains and drips, we just Love LOVE) and take baby steps.
The rains are showers of blessings but if unanticipated could pour sorrow and disappointments.

The dry season, HMM...sometimes has the most favorable weather but its not always the most celebrated. The day awakes with a cool feeling and then love feels like cherries and strawberries, marmalade and cheese, well scrambled eggs and bread, apples and cereals. Then the sunny yellow sun sets and smites without mercy, dictating one's mood and behavior.If permitted to rule the day, anger,arguments, quarrels and bickering et al will be the order of the day.
A humid, fair weather feeling soothes the mind and body and if its not managed,could breed distrust,coldness and more.

Love has its times and seasons. Its not a fairy tale neither is it a happy- ever after Cinderella story, No! Love as the BIBLE in 1 CORINTHIANS 13 says is

KIND
SUFFERETH LONG( sorry its never so succulent as oranges nor juicy as grapes)
IS HUMBLE(imagine saying "sorry" and feeling awkward, deflated or been scolded for things that do not matter?)
IS NOT JEALOUS(he may be mum's boy, tied to family cum friends apron strings, maybe cutting shows or acting up too)
IS NOT IRRITABLE (character flaws, more surprises that reveal the reality of one's weak state, etc)
AND KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS- imagine his been a cheat, a liar,an abusive person and one recovering from a sordid past?
NEVER REJOICES AT INJUSTICE... and the like.

Love applies to the male and female 'cos its not selective and never partial. Its never one sided, its a perfect mirror that reflects the attitudes and commitments of both parties.
Love is like cherry pies and gum, like sweets and succulent fruits....Love is also garlic, ginger and prickly pepper; its sour, spicy, itchy tasteless and somewhat salty.

Love is an attitude and has a character too.

BUT I LOVE love and will LOVE like a baby in her cradle, i will crawl and drool,toddle and waddle. I will throw tantrums, pout and stutter;I will love to life and death.I will celebrate and "jubilate" in love,know and learn love, i will jump and bounce in love.

Oh, we will LOVE and stick together like the gummy tree when i was a child.

Last night, I knew LOVE is so sweet and keeps you hungry for more. I mean pure, undiluted love devoid of fear, suspicion and timidity. Well, PERFECT LOVE cast out all fear and I ask the LORD to teach me to love my love...

Why is he still LOOKING OUT for me?

Lord did you know they'd be days I'll hate and not love?Moments all I'd do is to sow hate,discord,bitterness and unrest?
Did you not see the days I'd fight clients, colleagues and my boo? You knew I'd throw tantrums at my old people and keep off from relatives- with my doors shut in their faces?
Am sure you perceived I'd break up with certain friends and dodge the persistent ones?
Lord I'd ask again with a whimsical smile sure you remember Abraham did ask; "What of those weeks of incessant doubt, fear, insomnia born out of worry? Recall nights I drank tears and eased it out as pain? Months I lived without a penny nor an income? Years I lived without an intimate lover or husband?A decade and months without a career path neither did I have a mentor and counselor?

Remember I lounged in bed nursing a baby called "self-pity" and refused calls from people who'd term me as laid-back and not "pushful"?
Lord,I've had it "hurt" from friends + brethren. I've wailed on an uncompetitive and average-looking CV and prospective employers have slammed their gates in my face and I've been turned down severally in places i thought I'd be the sought after.
Lord am sure you knew when I never passed a test(for a promising dream job) neither did my performance excite my interviewers?

You knew how unattractive I was when several lovers bounced my heart? one lasted for a week, another two months, then 6 months lover and one of two years? Some left scratching and puncturing my heart and even trying to steal my confidence?
Lord I'm sorry for counting the woes cos it makes me sad but it helps me look back with UNTOLD joy.

For a while you kept away the job, was it not to make me grow intimately with you?
When you took away jobs, was it not to deliver me from flirty bosses and organizational lies? Has it not paid off now that I'm not in a sham marriage or an abusive relationship?

That you used the line and hook to drag me out of murky relationships? In my thoughts, they were "it" but in your ways you knew I'd either lose you or die....
Have you not saved me from permanent sorrows and pains? Lord I just had to recall my years of disappointment and trials so I could tear the roof off with praise. I'm gratefully thanking you for hijacking my life and not bombing it with some selfish decisions I took but you landed it so safe in your REST.

Thank you for taking the time to patiently renew my life, choosing to love me not as a fair weather friend and for your exceedingly, abundant bowels of mercy even when I'm wrong, lukewarm, callous, lax, hardened, hateful, proud, doubtful and fleshy!

Lord you've used my past to reveal your STEADFAST love for me, you've loved me with no reservations and no price tags attached. Daily you rock me in love pouring out favor and mercy into my wells.

You're a FATHER so tender and a LOVER so true Amen.

YELLOW BUSES

The yellow bus is a market place . You find severe hustling, money changing, heavy negotiations, harassment from buyers and rude attitudes from sellers- like a market place a yellow bus can be. Some days are never complete without a buyer staging a scene i.e. brawl between a passenger I call the “buyer” and the seller-the bus conductor.

The conductor: A "uncontrollable, violent, wild-eyed" guy. He hangs like a commodity on the door of the bus. He’s one guy with a coarse husky voice& a mean character: sounds like rusted zinc sheets dragged on a rough edge;ruffled pitted face, black lips, a pierced haggard probably hard look with rumpled, unkempt dressing, an ear ring, sagged jeans, bare chest with overgrown hairy-oozing armpit(yuck).Though some appear neat but a greater percentage are proud to look as violent as touts.No age limits for this occupation!







The Driver: Exasperated, worn out, wild-looking,always aggressive, inconsiderate to commuters.

Types of Drivers: The calm Staff using his bus to raise additional income, the opportunist out to extort and frustrate commuters, the haggard “eko” boy fighting for a living, the middle aged father, the “wanna be”, the drunk and red eyed guy, etc.



Today, the yellow bus was noisy: there is always a hassle over hiked fare, “conductor” quibbling over not having change or holding to people’s cash and stressing the life out of angry passengers returning from a stressful day’s work.

Day’s ago, I boarded a bus as quiet as a grave yard. Everyone including the driver looked serious, thoughtful, maybe somber and a “mind your business” kinda look that if I pinched my skin, people would hear it taut!

Once, I stepped into a musical auditorium: call it “MTV bus” where hot Osupa/Pasuma-Yoruba Fuji buzzed like alcohol. In this case, the “conductor &driver” are on the high not considering their passengers-ever ready to shoot abuses like blows on defaulting passengers. I pity one who sits by crazy/ready to fight passengers (some are ready to lose their scarf, ties etc just to go to battle with a driver/conductor who has no repute to protect or face to hide-wagging war is part of their work description. Some drivers/conductors are surnamed trouble or Aggression!. They always stir a quarrel, prefer to“demand for T-fare” grudgingly, so filled with angst perhaps some transferred heat on all passengers - no decorum, no friendliness whatsoever; “I de tell u now, if u no get change ,com down now”,1k,500 no enta o,no shanse(change) i don tey u now’’ , “wole-wole”, “nah 100( for a N50naira distance o!) if u nor wan enter come down”… and lots more-always hostile!

I entered a bus where the livid driver abused a passenger to his ancestry because of a fare. He said;”I’ll feed your family’’ and the rather irate and ever ready-with-a-reply passenger responded like;”for that statement, you and your family will never excel” on and on they went ….I was dead stiff- all for hiked fares?Hmn!

What of when we're made to jump in like frogs, squeezed like lemonade and squashed like sardine in a bid to make extra bucks for seats made for three people?

Some buses are perhaps the driver’s living room-you find personal effects kept in a corner over our heads.
Some have “attaché” -wooden seats-that don’t only wound buttocks and rip clothes but cause friction around the “bom-bom” – imagine how the makers of these cars would feel?

Some buses genuinely looking like burial grounds and refuse dumps.

Some buses are scraps with no speedometers, no seat belts, neither are there fuel gauge nor brakes, no car keys and no shock absorbers etc. At times, they look like they’d fall apart on high speed. Most won’t accept new tires, engine, and people. Some do not have spare parts anywhere in the world ‘cos they are extinct...Dead!

Deep thought

Lord my cry is desperate, longing for your touch.
Father, though you pardon my misgivings, weakness and judgment, you're my emotions, you put in me a feeling to cry, wail,think and flare.
You put love in my innermost parts, its part of my makeup.
Father, only you can comprehend my dire, frantic need for a man: His touch and feel!
Lord my innocence you foreknow, my weaknesses you foresaw. You know when i can not stand the tides and you know when my strength wears off seldom times;
Father, you know how impatient I've been and how my innocence has worn an expiration date.
My Daddy, i cry and cringe in guilt and shame when my walls cave in for one peck, an extended hug and some pampering.
Lord, strengthen my resolve and come to my prompt rescue. Do not let me give away all I have kept for the best time in my life.Let me not fall or falter till I'm in my safe Haven,
AMEN!

The Eno i used to know

Yesterday,I spent a better part of the day at work reading the blog "In my dream It was Simpler" and I did not know some of the events of each lady got into my blood stream making me a bit vexed at relationships,people,life etc.I began to react and ask questions based on the disappointments and pain I read in the book .i.e ladies who never met faithful men they could settle down with.And being an unmarried young lady who has spent a greater part of my life as a "Church gurl", seeking to please God and keeping my body(though tempted by devious men), i began to question my decisions to love, i even wondered if I am getting it right this time?

The "Eno i used to know" panics at people's failures, "fears their fear" and lives by assumptions. That Eno has a way of believing the reports of other men as though they'd happen to her and she tailors her life to fit people's.

BUT where would the word of God be effectual if Eno believes every story she hears?Has she forgotten that THE JUST SHALL LIVE BY FAITH, Has she forgotten that she MUST WALK BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT, and that she is a royal priesthood, a holy nation and a peculiar person?That is different from every other man including her siblings and parents?

The "Eno I used to know" found out that she is somewhat opinionated, insistent,and argumentative .She throws tantrums like a spoiled child and could be easily provoked to the point where she throws hot, hard missiles.

Lord you need to help Eno in marriage.She does not have to carry any one's experience into hers.She desires to be a good wife and not live by the today's trends.She has heard in recent times how marriages are a far cry from dating(nods in agreement),she listens to all the lies about marriages and ruminates on the divorce stories forgetting that her parents and siblings are happily married. What a life!

Lord, Eno does not know how to be a wife after all, she's never been a wife(but a gurlfriend)so make her ready to be One-a virtuous woman at that!To not just read "Gary Chapman's" theories and teachings and all those marriage propositions yet can not practice even one theory.
She never always knows she is saucy, tough, sarcastic and insensitive until she is dealing with a man she loves.Eno could submit a while till she grows in the relationship then she starts proving heady and taking undue advantage,flinging words without caution.

Lord one last thing is Eno has always been a sister and doesn't know she could be extremely mushy around a man she loves.Lord please help her not to throw caution to the wind but eat the fruits of self-control and patience.She must not think the high walls she built in Uni will help her for it is not by power or might but by the Spirit.That she will flee all appearances of evil and youthful lust.Lord Eno sincerely needs your help because the gurl we used to know was principled, sensitive and at times naive.Lord keep her to that night she bears MRS....AMEN!

Knowing LOVE...

IF LOVE
… Were meant for one day,
I wonder why Jesus came for all time?
If all the lingerie, candies and candle dinner
Were preserved for the second month of each year
Then there would be no reserves for honeymoon and all year long.
If all the intimacy and lovely words were hoarded for one day,
What happens to the three-six-four days in which people
Yearn to be embraced and pampered?
You call it love isn’t it?
When he buys all the red dresses and roses for the night?
But why the sudden hate and abuse when he dumps you?
Why rein those curses?
I just wonder
…why love turns to hatred after the months and years of commitment?
Well if love were all about kissing and caressing,
Where does the love on the cross relinquish to?
How can humans dictate the pace of real love created- no not just created-
But existing in the Almighty?
The One who taught all men to truly love,
to love the offender and the hatchet bearer.
Why would I symbolize a day to prove love
when at each doorstep I ascend I see
Lonely eyes, Hurting hearts, sullen bodies
Craving to taste, embrace and hold unto everlasting love?
The red rose won’t put make sense to that crippled child
holding out a plate to receive one coin for a day’s meal
neither will a beggar skip to the rhythm of love.
How can one ever extend a prom invite to the sick and helpless?
Why would I decorate my lover with all the red gifts around town, claiming
to be head over heels for him,
when in the next month I’m tired of all the love I had for him?
Does it make sense to compose the most sensational, romantic poem for her,
When I’m sure I really do not mean them?
Why should we look into each other’s eyes and chant the sacred word, “I Love you”,
with deception obviously lined on our pupils?
Why would two lovers paint the town red,
And turn envious heads to their show of love,
Only to turn fighters,
And I hear them say, “We were not meant for each other”

Well it is so ideal to love and be loved
But I am only a silent observer,
Perhaps a “wonderer”, pondering
on the intrigues of love and life.
The salient truth is,
True love can only come through knowing Jesus.
A slave master understands conditional love
And his slave is an approval addict.
Humans know to love when the going is good and
Learn to hate when the chips are down.
Man is so quick to punish the offender
And passes approval on the “just”.
Man’s love is fallible and controlled.
Some love with difficult to satisfy conditions,
Others will either not love again or love to hurt.
But His love has no boundaries and lays no claims to color, race or tribe.
Tis’ in Him I learnt unending love given at the expense of death,
Love not reserved for the perfect, the rich and skillful;
That love I earned in deep sin.
His love cannot be fathomed nor will I compare it to a lover man.
God’s love looks beyond a day of roses and scented candles,
His love flows like an endless river and in His love; he rescues the worst of men.
In all my life,
He is the only lover that keeps to His terms without breaking a soul.
I have found in His love;
“Neither do I condemn you, for I see righteousness and hope, and I call you by name”
Tis His love that heals pain and comforts sorrow.
His love holds me through the night and walks into the morning.
I’m speechless in a love that counts not my wrong, chastises my excesses and won’t let me slip away.
That is the everlasting love found only in Jesus!




P/S: We tend to celebrate LOVE on Valentine's day and Christmas alone while so many like me and you need to be AFFIRMED daily and shown deep love.Let's dare to Love as Christ instructed us to...GOD BLESS!