...Am I angry with being a church nun? No! Will I ever regret being born a priest? Never and No! I actually love being called from obscurity to lime light. I came to God in the most "abstract" but true way. My journey to the new and only way was absolutely gradual until a friend prayed with me leading me into Heavens way.
Receiving God as a young folk was sweet. I gained a seat in the company of faithfuls, received approval from Chapel gurus and my very spiritual siblings counted me worthy to discuss spiritual talks. To me, a lovely day when Heaven stood in an ovation receiving a lost soul like me.
That simple child like mind grew in pure,un diluted faith knowingly pleasing to God till I wilfully joined the "House of Sanhedrins" as a commoner, bowing to all religious laws, submitting to every unfamiliar rule and frolicking with law givers as the gullible follower never able to make a profound statement of truth or counter the jaw breaking laws. I was stuck in their fetters, chains dangling from my hands to my feet; held bound by man's sweetly coated sermon...
Thought my feet should be shod with the Gospel of peace?Selah. Then, why does the chain tying my feet make me cringe in pain? Why are my suddenly rigid, fearful and "churchily" churchy?
It used to be FREE, when on that blissful day I walked into that banquet hall and experienced genuine love. I found peace I'd never known, though bumpy with persecution,suffering and hate from pallies on the other side,it was glorious.
Knowing no other life, I pressed into the churchy life(to gain approval I did),learning the ropes, knowing the necessary parlance and the Christianese. I bagged my title and stuck in the mud!
Shame on legalism, cursed are the laws of men and woe is me who hung on the tree my Saviour hanged.
I wouldn't dare return to the world if not ol' pallies would scorn and I didn't know how to retrace my steps to the life I once received- the chains...Ouch! So familiar like my past, so comfortable yet hurting.
And did I ever gain liberty? You wait and hear me out.
I proceeded from one sect to another growing in rank and file, meditating on their practise and procedures, reciting "terminologies" to "feel among", swearing the oath of each sect and abiding to rules; playing safe and seeking approval; losing the SOURCE and carrying baggages and weighty "resources" BUT still hurting.
Where did this entanglement begin?
In the beginning it was not so...
Like Paul would list his religious achievement, I say:
-I was born and baptised by sprinkling into the "Orthodox movement" with a Baptismal certificate to show for it.
-Raised under a strict and long standing Presbyterian Father of good repute- well respected in that circle for all he had or knew
-Became an active member of different "clubs" in the church
-Enrolled for " confirmation" class at the age of 18 to become an eligible member of the church- call it "Communicant" member- to have access to or dine at the Communion table
Then, my Pentecostal mind began to rebel. I sought for a new feeling, I went left when others went right. My dad was crossed because my "communion card" was empty and that could mean cancelling my name from the church register and that didn't go down well with Daddy's repute
-Sneaked to a Pentecostal church of my choice and joined an organised,decent and I say rigid campus fellowship where I learned a lot about God yet boxed up according to the laws of the fellowship
- I grew to become an Executive member, giving orders to my followers I didn't believe in from my heart, secretly I broke out of the box, and afraid of what the "Elders" would say
Need I say more? I broke all odds because my heart just HATED status quo. I deliberately dodged Corpers fellowship and fell into "fire"- a very old time religion of laws, rules and systems of men and my whole being rebelled.
Today, I still rebel not against the church of Jesus or a body of believers but against the LAWS and rules set up by man's religious system. I also fight my "church mind" and I am at this point saying;
Today, I still rebel not against the church of Jesus or a body of believers but against the LAWS and rules set up by man's religious system. I also fight my "church mind" and I am at this point saying;
"Loose me from the bondage of law that I may walk by faith"
I want to meet with Jesus at the well, in the market square, on the mounts and in the boats. I desire a church without bricks,sitting on the grass, walking on the streets and reclining on my master's bosom.
Yes, call me a critique,for this reason my Lord was crucified that I may come to Him by FAITH. I don't want to be reminded of the Mosaic laws but the words of Jesus at the well;
"Believe me, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship God here or in Jerusalem....
But the time is coming and is ALREADY here when true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for anyone who will worship him that way. For God is spirit, so those who worship him must worship in SPIRIT and in TRUTH.
And in my last words...I am not a backsliding Christian, I am a backsliding "law-keeper". I dread laws, they make me afraid of God like hiding my face from his glory; they forever breed guilt and condemnation.
Laws stink; laws reveal sin and dry my bones up. They will never make any man right before God.
Paul my brother racked the word at the "foolish Galatians" who for once desired God by the spirit but started striving by their efforts to know God.
"The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that’s the real life.” Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: “The one who does these things [rule-keeping]continues to live by them.” Christ redeemed us from that self-defeating, cursed life by absorbing it completely into himself. Do you remember the Scripture that says, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”? That is what happened when Jesus was nailed to the Cross: He became a curse, and at the same time dissolved the curse. And now, because of that, the air is cleared and we can see that Abraham’s blessing is present and available for non-Jews, too. We are all able to receive God’s life, his Spirit, in and with us by believing—just the way Abraham received it"
Right now, I am Galatians 3 crazy! My "churchy mind" wants to be FREE not bound to know God. I want intimacy over the "slave/task driver relationship. I desire LIBERTY to walk with God and abide by His instructions....
"The snare is broken and I am escaped like a bird out of the snare of the fowler, amen."
My churchy mind free me and let me see Jesus face to face...
Friday, November 12, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Child's heart
Psalm 131
Emphasis on verse 2 "But I have stilled and quieted myself,
Just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul with me.
One thing God's trying to teach me is knowing how to remain quiet when I seem not to understand, to calm my "busy" mind and let it become as vulnerable as a child's- learning to believe or believing all I'm told by God.
A child believes when he's told "Don't worry, I'll buy you bla bla". He just trust mum or dad not to fail. David asked God for that kind of heart.
David knew that a heart which believes God as a child is devoid of pride or haughtiness. A child's heart is simple, easy to penetrate and gullible.
A child will never bother himself over waking up, eating, going to school,etc. Every detail of his life is run by someone and he is rest assured that mummy or nanny is at his beck and call. It baffles me how children are by nature born with such an "easy to fool" heart?They so easily believe even if it may be a lie.
A haughty, proud and worried heart can't be found in a child but a man who's grown to know the "good and evil", who's encumbered by life's challenges, who's taught self dependence,who's an expert at logic and reasoning,takes things for granted and even believes he's in charge(not needing any man's pity or help).His heart is somewhat deceitul and lifted towards God. A man who does not have a child's heart is not ready to receive from the Lord.
David, one of Israel's profound kings, with opulence and greatness. He was a great warrior, a man after God's heart, gained popularity from all nations and had a lot of glory. David was no force to reckon with,he won all his battles save for a few God used to chastise Israel. Yet he approached God like a child.He knew how to win God's attention.He saw God as a caring mother who's bossom he could find succor and warmth.He knew how to lie on Gods breast in torubled times. Don't forget that will all his authority and power, he was one of the most embattled king so for him trusting and hoping in God at all times was his only saving grace.
Let's reread Psalm 131 and verse 2 again;
"But I am calm and quiet,
Like a baby with its mother.
I am at peace, like a baby with its mother."
David refused to depend on the chariots and horses of Israel. He knew POWER BELONGS TO GOD and not him.He knew pride and a haughty eye or spirit only puff people up and reduce them to nothing so he chose the easier way, to hope in the Lord forever as a child.
I pray God to give me a heart(just as David longed for)that is simple, gullible in all things lest I take God for granted. I pray for a gullible towards God(and not the things of this world), knowing to trust and hope against hope.
Emphasis on verse 2 "But I have stilled and quieted myself,
Just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul with me.
One thing God's trying to teach me is knowing how to remain quiet when I seem not to understand, to calm my "busy" mind and let it become as vulnerable as a child's- learning to believe or believing all I'm told by God.
A child believes when he's told "Don't worry, I'll buy you bla bla". He just trust mum or dad not to fail. David asked God for that kind of heart.
David knew that a heart which believes God as a child is devoid of pride or haughtiness. A child's heart is simple, easy to penetrate and gullible.
A child will never bother himself over waking up, eating, going to school,etc. Every detail of his life is run by someone and he is rest assured that mummy or nanny is at his beck and call. It baffles me how children are by nature born with such an "easy to fool" heart?They so easily believe even if it may be a lie.
A haughty, proud and worried heart can't be found in a child but a man who's grown to know the "good and evil", who's encumbered by life's challenges, who's taught self dependence,who's an expert at logic and reasoning,takes things for granted and even believes he's in charge(not needing any man's pity or help).His heart is somewhat deceitul and lifted towards God. A man who does not have a child's heart is not ready to receive from the Lord.
David, one of Israel's profound kings, with opulence and greatness. He was a great warrior, a man after God's heart, gained popularity from all nations and had a lot of glory. David was no force to reckon with,he won all his battles save for a few God used to chastise Israel. Yet he approached God like a child.He knew how to win God's attention.He saw God as a caring mother who's bossom he could find succor and warmth.He knew how to lie on Gods breast in torubled times. Don't forget that will all his authority and power, he was one of the most embattled king so for him trusting and hoping in God at all times was his only saving grace.
Let's reread Psalm 131 and verse 2 again;
"But I am calm and quiet,
Like a baby with its mother.
I am at peace, like a baby with its mother."
David refused to depend on the chariots and horses of Israel. He knew POWER BELONGS TO GOD and not him.He knew pride and a haughty eye or spirit only puff people up and reduce them to nothing so he chose the easier way, to hope in the Lord forever as a child.
I pray God to give me a heart(just as David longed for)that is simple, gullible in all things lest I take God for granted. I pray for a gullible towards God(and not the things of this world), knowing to trust and hope against hope.
Loving thots
I found a shoulder I can wedge my burdened head,
I've seen palms to cup my tears.
I know listening ears and a mouth which speaks tenderly.
I've met feet that'll take the extra mile just to relief weariness;
I now know lips that will touch mine tenderly,hands that'll wrap me up lovingily and
a body that'll bring warmth.
I know love, care and pampering I've never received.
I know you're my superman, I enjoy your love...
Je t'aime mon cheri!
I've seen palms to cup my tears.
I know listening ears and a mouth which speaks tenderly.
I've met feet that'll take the extra mile just to relief weariness;
I now know lips that will touch mine tenderly,hands that'll wrap me up lovingily and
a body that'll bring warmth.
I know love, care and pampering I've never received.
I know you're my superman, I enjoy your love...
Je t'aime mon cheri!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Buck stops here
My last day at work felt splendid...I thank God. Ask me if I regret? No!!! Ask me If I learned? Yes! In fact so much to start life.
Just that the lessons go as far as managing people and an organisation,working for one man and knowing how to go about daily tasks.
My last discussion with my boss was a cut between emotions and blame-i think vimdictive too. I even heard I told obvious lies though I give it to her she appreciated all my work there and true to it,I did my very best. I got tired when I felt my best was not appreciated and like anyone(I know many who would not cower and be timid like me),lost the zeal to continue.I saw raw and seasoned office politics and for the life of me,I know a lot were not structured well.
But like Jesus,I lay down my flaws in that office and I pray God vindicates me.I also pray to hold no aughts,to love and not be bitter,to know that unfair treatments are part of life and that in them,I should rejoice.It aint easy.
Also I have learned that politics abound in lumpy measures and some are ochestrated and cooked to frustrate employees.I have learned that man loves to oppress another and prefers you work below the boulders like a slave,so many organizations in Nigeria pay peanuts and want employers to work like slaves.Its cheap labor
To be frank I have also enjoyed working with my colleagues,its been a sweet crew of people who respected my place and gave me room. Also my boss who made me fret when she's around but a skilful artist has been good in measures though she never gave me adequate room to occupy as an office manager.she was a boss in her capacity and I have learned from her too.
I won't forget that office in a hurry to say it on my blog means I am keeping record of how I feel and what I saw....
I pray God to give me a large heart to look back on the betrayals,office lies,oppression and all discomfort and LOVE cos I did the job with my heart.
Am off to a new life, am heading to the drawing board to sketch and design too,am chasing my passion with my heart and I will get to where God has in store for me
Just that the lessons go as far as managing people and an organisation,working for one man and knowing how to go about daily tasks.
My last discussion with my boss was a cut between emotions and blame-i think vimdictive too. I even heard I told obvious lies though I give it to her she appreciated all my work there and true to it,I did my very best. I got tired when I felt my best was not appreciated and like anyone(I know many who would not cower and be timid like me),lost the zeal to continue.I saw raw and seasoned office politics and for the life of me,I know a lot were not structured well.
But like Jesus,I lay down my flaws in that office and I pray God vindicates me.I also pray to hold no aughts,to love and not be bitter,to know that unfair treatments are part of life and that in them,I should rejoice.It aint easy.
Also I have learned that politics abound in lumpy measures and some are ochestrated and cooked to frustrate employees.I have learned that man loves to oppress another and prefers you work below the boulders like a slave,so many organizations in Nigeria pay peanuts and want employers to work like slaves.Its cheap labor
To be frank I have also enjoyed working with my colleagues,its been a sweet crew of people who respected my place and gave me room. Also my boss who made me fret when she's around but a skilful artist has been good in measures though she never gave me adequate room to occupy as an office manager.she was a boss in her capacity and I have learned from her too.
I won't forget that office in a hurry to say it on my blog means I am keeping record of how I feel and what I saw....
I pray God to give me a large heart to look back on the betrayals,office lies,oppression and all discomfort and LOVE cos I did the job with my heart.
Am off to a new life, am heading to the drawing board to sketch and design too,am chasing my passion with my heart and I will get to where God has in store for me
MY BeLOVED FATHERLAND
Nigeria,
My Heartthrob Nigeria...
I behold you my great country as the love of my life;
I am favored to be a part of you, it's in your arms I was born Oh my dear motherland.
Nigeria,
Its only you I knew from birth and I have grown in you alone.
Hence, I believe in you because you have a hope and a future.
Nigeria,
My "green" of life filled with God given resources and wealth.
Though you've grown as the "green-eyed" monster, which wreaks havoc and causes innumerable problems,you are a cool, natural and fertile land.
Nigeria,
my "white" of acclaimed tranquility, assumed innocence, some made up simplicity,a religious, pious reverence for God in troubled times, a revolutionary lifestyle and some youthful vigor,you've known wanton sectionalism, power topple, coups, bloodshed, dreadful wars, marginalization and all what not.
I never grew to see you responsible, calm and calculated but aggressive and hysterical;with lots of tribal and religious wars, all kinds of social vices and political killings.
BUT I have sworn to LOVE and have you.
Nigeria,
my darling nation state filled with potentials. The only nation with a tusk and a trunk.
I admire your gigantic ears made up of diverse ethnics, tribes and languages.
I herald you as the giant of Africa and that makes me proud of you.
Nigeria,
in your gigantic nature,
You have caused the falling and rising of many; some have fled on exile because of your oppression and violence
while many- like me- still fearlessly look for the day of your salvation.
Because I shall call you the Holy nation, a land of Redeemed people,and a desirable place.
Though you are like a bad marriage, I''ll stand by you.
You have made some think of you as a broken promise, a failed state, an empty will and an immature child
BUT
I strongly believe that one day you'll evolve into a great virtuous nation.
I will keep my vows to you love and to behold you because you are ordained by God.
Nigeria,
you will grow into a GREAT nation. You may celebrate with so much opulence while some live below the dollar,
but for for the Love I have for you, because my heart longs for your peace, I CANNOT remain numb or laid back.
I will not stop interceding for you until your righteousness shines like the dawn and you shall blaze like a burning torch.
Kings will be blinded by your glory, nations shall behold your righteousness and the LORD shall give you a new name.
Nigeria you are no longer FORSAKEN or DESOLATE but YOU ARE THE CITY OF GOD's DELIGHT, the BRIDE OF GOD, and GODS OWN LAND.
God bless you Nigeria and I believe in you and will keep loving you.
My beloved NAIJA
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