GROW UP....in the storm

In silent meditation tonight, I confessed to the Lord how frail and feeble my heart is in the day of adversity. Yes,trials come to strengthen and help one grow but some trials have a way of uprooting the tree from the roots if we do not water and groom it well. The winds blow and storms rise but a well watered tree stays rooted.
Personally I allow storms sway me, when the winds surge I run and refuse to face them. I literally forget that some winds blow to cool off the atmosphere. Some winds prepare the way for rains etc. Just so many other functions with the windy period.
Just yesterday I judged myself again -lest any man judges me- that I have a lot of growing up to do. Though the Lord is at my right hand, he expects me like he told Moses to stretch the rod and TAKE CHARGE that in itself is all the AUTHORITY in Heaven and earth given to us to function as He does. How long shall it take me to realize that I am like God? Ok if that doesn't go well with my "theology", I'd say; "He is in me, His kingdom and Government rule through me. He resides in me, his glory is seen through me; God dwells in the midst of me and Heaven is in my heart"( I am wrecking the walls of religion the more).
If I possess all these knowledge about God in me, why I'm I ashen-faced in times of trouble and so quick to throw tantrums at God? The wind only blew to usher in serenity. Even the floods rose so I'd rise in the flood. I am meant to saddle on it like Noah's ark.

The enemy of my soul,an expert at making me believe God perpetually sets me up for failure is always there to distort my belief system. Simply put,he presents God as a task master always with a whip to punish me. He says to me; "Did God say? Can God really do all things? Do you think God is interested in... Don't you know God is always angry at, Do you still believe God can and has God not forsaken....bla bla bla"
If that is Gods nature, then I do not need the blood. Let me just know he flogs me by the minute because I am by nature an offender -no point trying to walk uprightly.
He makes me believe the lie that God is so unable to save me. He makes me concentrate on all my flaws and magnifies them. Meanwhile God just allowed the floods to make me know he has conquered all for me hereby giving me victory over all things.

I just need to walk a level higher from head knowledge to believing that God is.....Meaning, my faith MUST grow up from being a toddler for life to an adult. Not an adult who wouldn't take instructions from God but one who TAKES charge because God has given me lee way to operate thus.
I need to Grow up and to say I'd grow in the Lord without trials and tribulations is to make a mess of the faith. Jesus came, hung on a cross in such a humiliating manner just to reconcile man to God and close all gaps between we and the Father. He died in pains and ROSE! There was a moment he felt God forsook him but in a moment ascended into glory. People say; "No pain,no gain". He groaned in misery but he arose in glory. That alone speaks of growth. Right now, he is exalted in glory- nothing can beat that.
In retrospect,we shall surely die(not just physically) and rise in glory. And those moments of death I always fear to face. I look depressed and make God feel like a liar because he is passing me through death. Now Paul said; "I die daily" hmm that wasn't a statement made from some head knowledge but a personal experience in his walk with the Lord.

When we were children, we thought and acted thus but a time comes where you put away childish things and GROW up! Check it, those growth processes of a human body include all kinds of "metamorphosis" . You go through a cycle and encounter all kinds of things that go with the age and times. Example a teenager encounters peer pressure, while an adult man has to make toil to survive even a baby has the teething stage to grow through and many more.

Therefore in this faith, we MUST grow up most times,painfully!

God will not overly pamper an adult. Yes his steadfast love ENDURES but pampering and caressing will give way to disciplinary measures because he loves us and wants us to grow up!
Its easier said one will quibble but its the only true way to the God kind of life. I really grumble and wear a long face anytime God allows me "suffer". I feel so forsaken as though God is partial. I usually look over the shores at those who have it simple and easy wondering why me? But just as I do not know why life treats some fairly and others like me go through a battle to survive, I know God chatises the one he Loves. I may not have all of life privileges at the time most desired but I have a Friend and Fathers who is so jealous over my soul.. That he allows some grooming and trimming in my life is to reveal his deep unquenchable love for me. There are and will never be two MEs, to God I am the BEST thing ever created and He will not exchange me for anything in the earth. But in all, he needs that I grow in rigorous and rugged "faith-trying" moments.
Ha! He wants me to remember he calms the wildest storms of life and permits the tides so I'd learn to trust him and GROW in faith; also making a boast of His glory unlike the disciples who just didn't belief he rules over the elements .He wants me to see it as a usual kingdom life. Now that's not getting familiar with God or trying to rob shoulders. I am awed and amazed by Him every time He comes through for me but on the other hand, God requires that I operate in His glory as my natural habitat because its my heritage and my home.

That will be revealed as I grow up in Him and all the veil ripped off so I will be a mirror that brightly reveals his glory. Till I am in that state where I become more like him reflecting His glory.

Don't blame it on the Government

As i strolled home this evening, i saw a young man throw a biscuit wrap on the road and i just wish I could level up with him and "correct" him. I actually took pictures(these are the most decent pictures i have here) of the mindset of the average Nigerian.Most times i judge our minds to be myopic,bestial-permit me,we think like animals-,callous,unpatriotic and care free. We are hardly mindful of our sanity and comfort. Some people live in dirt and feel normal, some own shops pulling thousands of naira yet the dustbin beside them look appealing savoring like good meals. We really do not care about our health/hygiene. Go around markets, shops, some "face me-i face you- homes and attest to this: they wallow in refuse waiting for the Government to come to their aid.

Every Thursdays-in Lagos-is an Environmental Sanitation day for market people and shop owners.These traders hardly come out to clean not to talk of sweep their stalls. If they even make an attempt to sweep, they dump all by the roadside or in gutters. They bring out dirt from the gutter and leave them in front of their shops and keep on with trading. I mean, i see some of them come around their shops on those cleaning days watching for Law Enforcement agents while trying to sell. Lets not even mention the cleaning days for every last Saturday....hmm...all and sundry are guilty. I remember growing up on a street where neighbors even my Father and brothers would go out to sweep and tidy a small lane as a matter of fact. These days, we set out before environmental sanitation for our engagements, we stay indoors and just do not care about our streets and environment. Will government send people to keep our surroundings clean for us?

Some years ago, a friend of mine dropped dirt into a gutter, when I confronted her she tried to justify her action by saying she is not in London where the streets are dirt free but in "Naija" people throw stuff anywhere so she is liable to join.
I really get bothered when i see heaps of rubble, empty tins,refuse from homes etc stacked on the roads? Good gracious me, its grievous!!!. It shows you the mindset of the average Nigerian even when suited up or clothed to the teeth.

I mean a young banker i suppose, stepped out of an air conditioned Toyota car with a nylon from Sweet Sensation(a popular eatery in Nigeria)and she had the AUDACITY-permit me pls- to drop it on the road? Trust me, the illiterate miscreants who know how to "yabb"-booed and "abused"-her but she wouldn't even care to pick it up. She is one out of hundreds of us who eat in buses and throw them out of the window,in the comfort of our cars we prefer to fling on the road than drop on the floor of the car and pedestrians follow suite no matter how many yards away they are from a dust bin? Who is responsible for picking these dirt?




Yes,Government has a system that keeps the environment clean and tidy but why don't we take responsibility in case the streets are not swept? Most times, we act like animals who stop to defecate whenever they feel like but cats hide their "pooh-pooh"?

Personally, my bag could seem un-ladylike because i drop wraps and packs in there till i locate a dustbin and I confront friends who drop as little as recharge cards on the road.I fearlessly harass people sitting beside me in buses not to throw stuff on the road. Who will pick it up abeg? Our environmental agencies are partially active.I mean agencies who work tirelessly keeping the environment spic and span- sweep enclosed streets, walk ways, empty dustbins a least once or twice a week etc. Though in Lagos, they really try keeping the Central Business Districts, government-owned areas and Express roads neat but there are loads of other places that stink because Lagosians formed a bad habit of throwing dirt, refuse and all kinds of rotten things into rivers, gutters etc. Sometimes, i wonder if we are really sane?

Please do not blame the Government because we also make up the nation. It is a Government of the people for the people and by the people. We need to HELP keep Nigeria clean. Some of us can single-handedly provide dustbins in strategic positions and have agencies that take them off the roads once they are pouring over.
Let's be more responsible citizens who care for a nation such as this and see to it's welfare. I believe the citizens are the nation's builders, let us not wait for the Government because they are like me and you. Though the can enforce laws and orders, we must also imbibe good conducts and better morals. We must renew our minds and live by example!


KEEP NIGERIA CLEAN: drink from water bottles, pure water packs and drop them in dust bins or in your bags. In all use the dustbin or make your bags one till you get to a dust bin. Please love and adore the roads you stride on and do not leave that paper there :-))

My church mind must let loose

...Am I angry with being a church nun? No! Will I ever regret being born a priest? Never and No! I actually love being called from obscurity to lime light. I came to God in the most "abstract" but true way. My journey to the new and only way was absolutely gradual until a friend prayed with me leading me into Heavens way.

Receiving God as a young folk was sweet. I gained a seat in the company of faithfuls, received approval from Chapel gurus and my very spiritual siblings counted me worthy to discuss spiritual talks. To me, a lovely day when Heaven stood in an ovation receiving a lost soul like me.

That simple child like mind grew in pure,un diluted faith knowingly pleasing to God till I wilfully joined the "House of Sanhedrins" as a commoner, bowing to all religious laws, submitting to every unfamiliar rule and frolicking with law givers as the gullible follower never able to make a profound statement of truth or counter the jaw breaking laws. I was stuck in their fetters, chains dangling from my hands to my feet; held bound by man's sweetly coated sermon...

Thought my feet should be shod with the Gospel of peace?Selah. Then, why does the chain tying my feet make me cringe in pain? Why are my suddenly rigid, fearful and "churchily" churchy?

It used to be FREE, when on that blissful day I walked into that banquet hall and experienced genuine love. I found peace I'd never known, though bumpy with persecution,suffering and hate from pallies on the other side,it was glorious.

Knowing no other life, I pressed into the churchy life(to gain approval I did),learning the ropes, knowing the necessary parlance and the Christianese. I bagged my title and stuck in the mud!

Shame on legalism, cursed are the laws of men and woe is me who hung on the tree my Saviour hanged.

I wouldn't dare return to the world if not ol' pallies would scorn and I didn't know how to retrace my steps to the life I once received- the chains...Ouch! So familiar like my past, so comfortable yet hurting.

And did I ever gain liberty? You wait and hear me out.
I proceeded from one sect to another growing in rank and file, meditating on their practise and procedures, reciting "terminologies" to "feel among", swearing the oath of each sect and abiding to rules; playing safe and seeking approval; losing the SOURCE and carrying baggages and weighty "resources" BUT still hurting.

Where did this entanglement begin?

In the beginning it was not so...

Like Paul would list his religious achievement, I say:
-I was born and baptised by sprinkling into the "Orthodox movement" with a Baptismal certificate to show for it.
-Raised under a strict and long standing Presbyterian Father of good repute- well respected in that circle for all he had or knew
-Became an active member of different "clubs" in the church
-Enrolled for " confirmation" class at the age of 18 to become an eligible member of the church- call it "Communicant" member- to have access to or dine at the Communion table
Then, my Pentecostal mind began to rebel. I sought for a new feeling, I went left when others went right. My dad was crossed because my "communion card" was empty and that could mean cancelling my name from the church register and that didn't go down well with Daddy's repute
-Sneaked to a Pentecostal church of my choice and joined an organised,decent and I say rigid campus fellowship where I learned a lot about God yet boxed up according to the laws of the fellowship
- I grew to become an Executive member, giving orders to my followers I didn't believe in from my heart, secretly I broke out of the box, and afraid of what the "Elders" would say
Need I say more? I broke all odds because my heart just HATED status quo. I deliberately dodged Corpers fellowship and fell into "fire"- a very old time religion of laws, rules and systems of men and my whole being rebelled.
Today, I still rebel not against the church of Jesus or a body of believers but against the LAWS and rules set up by man's religious system. I also fight my "church mind" and I am at this point saying;

Today, I still rebel not against the church of Jesus or a body of believers but against the LAWS and rules set up by man's religious system. I also fight my "church mind" and I am at this point saying;
"Loose me from the bondage of law that I may walk by faith"

I want to meet with Jesus at the well, in the market square, on the mounts and in the boats. I desire a church without bricks,sitting on the grass, walking on the streets and reclining on my master's bosom.

Yes, call me a critique,for this reason my Lord was crucified that I may come to Him by FAITH. I don't want to be reminded of the Mosaic laws but the words of Jesus at the well;

"Believe me, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship God here or in Jerusalem....
But the time is coming and is ALREADY here when true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for anyone who will worship him that way. For God is spirit, so those who worship him must worship in SPIRIT and in TRUTH.

And in my last words...I am not a backsliding Christian, I am a backsliding "law-keeper". I dread laws, they make me afraid of God like hiding my face from his glory; they forever breed guilt and condemnation.
Laws stink; laws reveal sin and dry my bones up. They will never make any man right before God.

Paul my brother racked the word at the "foolish Galatians" who for once desired God by the spirit but started striving by their efforts to know God.

"The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that’s the real life.” Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: “The one who does these things [rule-keeping]continues to live by them.” Christ redeemed us from that self-defeating, cursed life by absorbing it completely into himself. Do you remember the Scripture that says, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”? That is what happened when Jesus was nailed to the Cross: He became a curse, and at the same time dissolved the curse. And now, because of that, the air is cleared and we can see that Abraham’s blessing is present and available for non-Jews, too. We are all able to receive God’s life, his Spirit, in and with us by believing—just the way Abraham received it"

Right now, I am Galatians 3 crazy! My "churchy mind" wants to be FREE not bound to know God. I want intimacy over the "slave/task driver relationship. I desire LIBERTY to walk with God and abide by His instructions....

"The snare is broken and I am escaped like a bird out of the snare of the fowler, amen."

My churchy mind free me and let me see Jesus face to face...

when We pray

Child's heart

Psalm 131
Emphasis on verse 2 "But I have stilled and quieted myself,
Just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul with me.


One thing God's trying to teach me is knowing how to remain quiet when I seem not to understand, to calm my "busy" mind and let it become as vulnerable as a child's- learning to believe or believing all I'm told by God.
A child believes when he's told "Don't worry, I'll buy you bla bla". He just trust mum or dad not to fail. David asked God for that kind of heart.
David knew that a heart which believes God as a child is devoid of pride or haughtiness. A child's heart is simple, easy to penetrate and gullible.

A child will never bother himself over waking up, eating, going to school,etc. Every detail of his life is run by someone and he is rest assured that mummy or nanny is at his beck and call. It baffles me how children are by nature born with such an "easy to fool" heart?They so easily believe even if it may be a lie.
A haughty, proud and worried heart can't be found in a child but a man who's grown to know the "good and evil", who's encumbered by life's challenges, who's taught self dependence,who's an expert at logic and reasoning,takes things for granted and even believes he's in charge(not needing any man's pity or help).His heart is somewhat deceitul and lifted towards God. A man who does not have a child's heart is not ready to receive from the Lord.

David, one of Israel's profound kings, with opulence and greatness. He was a great warrior, a man after God's heart, gained popularity from all nations and had a lot of glory. David was no force to reckon with,he won all his battles save for a few God used to chastise Israel. Yet he approached God like a child.He knew how to win God's attention.He saw God as a caring mother who's bossom he could find succor and warmth.He knew how to lie on Gods breast in torubled times. Don't forget that will all his authority and power, he was one of the most embattled king so for him trusting and hoping in God at all times was his only saving grace.
Let's reread Psalm 131 and verse 2 again;
"But I am calm and quiet,
Like a baby with its mother.
I am at peace, like a baby with its mother."

David refused to depend on the chariots and horses of Israel. He knew POWER BELONGS TO GOD and not him.He knew pride and a haughty eye or spirit only puff people up and reduce them to nothing so he chose the easier way, to hope in the Lord forever as a child.
I pray God to give me a heart(just as David longed for)that is simple, gullible in all things lest I take God for granted. I pray for a gullible towards God(and not the things of this world), knowing to trust and hope against hope.

Loving thots

I found a shoulder I can wedge my burdened head,
I've seen palms to cup my tears.
I know listening ears and a mouth which speaks tenderly.
I've met feet that'll take the extra mile just to relief weariness;
I now know lips that will touch mine tenderly,hands that'll wrap me up lovingily and
a body that'll bring warmth.
I know love, care and pampering I've never received.

I know you're my superman, I enjoy your love...
Je t'aime mon cheri!