Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Buck stops here

My last day at work felt splendid...I thank God. Ask me if I regret? No!!! Ask me If I learned? Yes! In fact so much to start life.
Just that the lessons go as far as managing people and an organisation,working for one man and knowing how to go about daily tasks.
My last discussion with my boss was a cut between emotions and blame-i think vimdictive too. I even heard I told obvious lies though I give it to her she appreciated all my work there and true to it,I did my very best. I got tired when I felt my best was not appreciated and like anyone(I know many who would not cower and be timid like me),lost the zeal to continue.I saw raw and seasoned office politics and for the life of me,I know a lot were not structured well.
But like Jesus,I lay down my flaws in that office and I pray God vindicates me.I also pray to hold no aughts,to love and not be bitter,to know that unfair treatments are part of life and that in them,I should rejoice.It aint easy.
Also I have learned that politics abound in lumpy measures and some are ochestrated and cooked to frustrate employees.I have learned that man loves to oppress another and prefers you work below the boulders like a slave,so many organizations in Nigeria pay peanuts and want employers to work like slaves.Its cheap labor
To be frank I have also enjoyed working with my colleagues,its been a sweet crew of people who respected my place and gave me room. Also my boss who made me fret when she's around but a skilful artist has been good in measures though she never gave me adequate room to occupy as an office manager.she was a boss in her capacity and I have learned from her too.
I won't forget that office in a hurry to say it on my blog means I am keeping record of how I feel and what I saw....
I pray God to give me a large heart to look back on the betrayals,office lies,oppression and all discomfort and LOVE cos I did the job with my heart.

Am off to a new life, am heading to the drawing board to sketch and design too,am chasing my passion with my heart and I will get to where God has in store for me


My Heartthrob Nigeria...
I behold you my great country as the love of my life;
I am favored to be a part of you, it's in your arms I was born Oh my dear motherland.

Its only you I knew from birth and I have grown in you alone.
Hence, I believe in you because you have a hope and a future.

My "green" of life filled with God given resources and wealth.
Though you've grown as the "green-eyed" monster, which wreaks havoc and causes innumerable problems,you are a cool, natural and fertile land.

my "white" of acclaimed tranquility, assumed innocence, some made up simplicity,a religious, pious reverence for God in troubled times, a revolutionary lifestyle and some youthful vigor,you've known wanton sectionalism, power topple, coups, bloodshed, dreadful wars, marginalization and all what not.

I never grew to see you responsible, calm and calculated but aggressive and hysterical;with lots of tribal and religious wars, all kinds of social vices and political killings.
BUT I have sworn to LOVE and have you.

my darling nation state filled with potentials. The only nation with a tusk and a trunk.
I admire your gigantic ears made up of diverse ethnics, tribes and languages.
I herald you as the giant of Africa and that makes me proud of you.

in your gigantic nature,
You have caused the falling and rising of many; some have fled on exile because of your oppression and violence
while many- like me- still fearlessly look for the day of your salvation.
Because I shall call you the Holy nation, a land of Redeemed people,and a desirable place.

Though you are like a bad marriage, I''ll stand by you.
You have made some think of you as a broken promise, a failed state, an empty will and an immature child
I strongly believe that one day you'll evolve into a great virtuous nation.
I will keep my vows to you love and to behold you because you are ordained by God.

you will grow into a GREAT nation. You may celebrate with so much opulence while some live below the dollar,
but for for the Love I have for you, because my heart longs for your peace, I CANNOT remain numb or laid back.
I will not stop interceding for you until your righteousness shines like the dawn and you shall blaze like a burning torch.

Kings will be blinded by your glory, nations shall behold your righteousness and the LORD shall give you a new name.

God bless you Nigeria and I believe in you and will keep loving you.

My beloved NAIJA

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

This Chapter was awesomely challenging

Yes this chapter was awesome cos I have learned to THANK God for the good and bad. I am also learning to trust him through the oppressing moments even the dry seasons and trust me, I have enjoyed A bunch of good times and really windy rainy seasons.
But I realized no one stays on one book forever, a book always has an end and even the most sluggish reader gulps it in no time. I am one of them- well i read at my pace depending on the storyline.

I am just elated going to a new experience orchestrated by God. I have worked in a particular organization for ten months and its been an interesting page of life. Its been an eye opening stage of life, i have worked as an apprentice, like a non profit organization willing to serve without gain but for an experience. I was ninety percent loyal and yes ninety cos I have had proficiency/office flaws, done my deals during office time, been late to work, pilfered to pay my way home though i always paid all monies back( and i have promised never to steal office money monies cos i maintain a clear conscience before GOD), told a few "exaggerated" lies and all what not. But i have paid my dues and I stand boldly to say i have been faithful to the organization.
Trust me, it is TIME to draw these curtains and walk off the stage while proceeding to another level in life. Bible says the footsteps of the righteous are ORDERED of the Lord and he is interested in every detail of our lives. I am one of them. I have had it rough and tough, and I have had it sweet as well. I have been humble, stubborn and humiliated. I have had days I never want to roll out of bed or wanted Sunday to pass....It's been a worthwhile experience and I pray I turn out an easy to work with CEO.

I pray to be like Joseph who despite all the unfair treatments from his brethren and Mrs.Potiphar, did not carry out any vengeance but rewarded them with good. It's for posterity I am learning the hard way- Imagine going to work and feeling less than confident because someone uses his/her mouth to run you down or make you feel you done a favor.
I also pray to be a good and an exemplary boss people will love to work with amen. I know it is working for my good amen.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

To all my folks

My eyes are on U now O Lord

Thank you LORD that I can access you easily and boldly(on my office desk) this afternoon.I approach your throne asking for mercy and your favor even thy grace where i so require.
I am using this medium to pray so those going through my kind of situation or anything so pressing will also tap into this prayer.
Lord, its no show of words or enticing words of human wisdom, its a sincere cry from a broken and hurt heart. Lord Eliphaz said in Chapter five of his book;

"Go to God and present your case to Him. For he does great works too marvelous to understand"

Lord, i set my face as flint and boldly come to you with tears in my eyes and a little appetite for food with a lot of weight to shed from my already dropping shoulders, Help me cos you are ready to bear my burden and carry my load.

I feel so sorry when I do not involve you in my thoughts and words, Lord i know i try to help myself hence failing and falling. Lord I repent and run back to you.

I need to rest on your warm and peaceful bosom Father cos there i find solace and rest. I get so troubled outside of you when i feel you can not help me as i require.

Vain O God is the help of man 'cos i have tasted and known that there hardly come by my window.They pass busily or they make me feel desperate and vulnerable but you never will forsake or turn your loving eyes from me. Lord you are CONCERNED about me.
Today i ask you to give me answers not like I need a quick fix but i need sudden answers lest i make haste or take to flight.

Lord amidst tears i say COME Lord please come lest i sleep the sleep of death. Guard my feet and hold my hands, do not repay me according to my sins O God!
Guide my eyes and lead my path because i Know you are neither a taskmaster or a slave driver, your burden is light and your yoke is easy.

Lord Jesus, I come so you teach me for you will not judge me as men, you are humble and gentle and in you will I find rest for my weary soul.
Lord thank you because am sure you have heard me and in faith i know;

"You perform miracles without number. You give rain to the earth. You send water for the fields;you give prosperity to the poor and humble and you take sufferers to safety.
Lord you frustrate the plans of the crafty, so their efforts will not succeed. You catch those who think they are wise in their own cleverness so that their cunning schemes are thwarted," Amen.

Lord i bless you not by tradition but as a grateful child. Thank you,and thank you. amen.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My special one

What's so special about you that others can not see?
What's so captivating about that you makes others shove you off?

It's the despised you that's acceptable to my eyes,
It's the rejected you i die to have.

I see a special you which others will never see.
I know something about you others will never know.

I will adore you as the unpolished jagged ends,
"cos I see a beautifully published book.

I want to dust off the cobwebs and read you.
"cos you are that book left on the old coot's shelves to rot off.

Yes that is what i desire, it's the YOU my special one!!!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

CLOSER and CLOSER draw me closer

I am almost at the foot of the Almighty to say the lasting WORD...
Never to go back anymore but to stay committed.
To make a covenant and to seal my eyes from all other maidens and cling to the wife of my mouth...
Closer than I ever thought, closer to the journey without an end save by immortality...
Closer I mean and we'll run the race-my bride and I- without an end line...
But we will run,
We will stumble, rise, fall and LOVE...
We will walk with providence when the road is steep and narrow...
We will never know I again-we seize from selfish living -for we are one
God has made us one from the beginning and we will remain ONE.

In different colors

I wish I could touch my heart, i hear its RED in there. Last night i felt so loved that my heart palpitated and turned "clay" and perhaps red that i almost dug my hand in there to have a feel.
Hmm, imagine how it feels to be in LOVE, note i did not say fall in love? I mean to grow through thorns and thistles and you are the ONLY two roses curling on "enemy-shrubs" for life? Those brambles struggle to grow in our vine but we tethered a goat to get rid of the berries to the roots. I mean its tasking to stay in LOVE but we choose to love LOVE and grow through the seasons.

When its raining,it gets so emotional. The rains rid every murky feeling and helps grow our garden.Its in the rain we do our crying and in the rain we hang on( we don't mind if it drains and drips, we just Love LOVE) and take baby steps.
The rains are showers of blessings but if unanticipated could pour sorrow and disappointments.

The dry season, HMM...sometimes has the most favorable weather but its not always the most celebrated. The day awakes with a cool feeling and then love feels like cherries and strawberries, marmalade and cheese, well scrambled eggs and bread, apples and cereals. Then the sunny yellow sun sets and smites without mercy, dictating one's mood and behavior.If permitted to rule the day, anger,arguments, quarrels and bickering et al will be the order of the day.
A humid, fair weather feeling soothes the mind and body and if its not managed,could breed distrust,coldness and more.

Love has its times and seasons. Its not a fairy tale neither is it a happy- ever after Cinderella story, No! Love as the BIBLE in 1 CORINTHIANS 13 says is

SUFFERETH LONG( sorry its never so succulent as oranges nor juicy as grapes)
IS HUMBLE(imagine saying "sorry" and feeling awkward, deflated or been scolded for things that do not matter?)
IS NOT JEALOUS(he may be mum's boy, tied to family cum friends apron strings, maybe cutting shows or acting up too)
IS NOT IRRITABLE (character flaws, more surprises that reveal the reality of one's weak state, etc)
AND KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS- imagine his been a cheat, a liar,an abusive person and one recovering from a sordid past?
and the like.

Love applies to the male and female 'cos its not selective and never partial. Its never one sided, its a perfect mirror that reflects the attitudes and commitments of both parties.
Love is like cherry pies and gum, like sweets and succulent fruits....Love is also garlic, ginger and prickly pepper; its sour, spicy, itchy tasteless and somewhat salty.

Love is an attitude and has a character too.

BUT I LOVE love and will LOVE like a baby in her cradle, i will crawl and drool,toddle and waddle. I will throw tantrums, pout and stutter;I will love to life and death.I will celebrate and "jubilate" in love,know and learn love, i will jump and bounce in love.

Oh, we will LOVE and stick together like the gummy tree when i was a child.

Last night, I knew LOVE is so sweet and keeps you hungry for more. I mean pure, undiluted love devoid of fear, suspicion and timidity. Well, PERFECT LOVE cast out all fear and I ask the LORD to teach me to love my love...

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Why is he still LOOKING OUT for me?

Lord did you know they'd be days I'll hate and not love?Moments all I'd do is to sow hate,discord,bitterness and unrest?
Did you not see the days I'd fight clients, colleagues and my boo? You knew I'd throw tantrums at my old people and keep off from relatives- with my doors shut in their faces?
Am sure you perceived I'd break up with certain friends and dodge the persistent ones?
Lord I'd ask again with a whimsical smile sure you remember Abraham did ask; "What of those weeks of incessant doubt, fear, insomnia born out of worry? Recall nights I drank tears and eased it out as pain? Months I lived without a penny nor an income? Years I lived without an intimate lover or husband?A decade and months without a career path neither did I have a mentor and counselor?

Remember I lounged in bed nursing a baby called "self-pity" and refused calls from people who'd term me as laid-back and not "pushful"?
Lord,I've had it "hurt" from friends + brethren. I've wailed on an uncompetitive and average-looking CV and prospective employers have slammed their gates in my face and I've been turned down severally in places i thought I'd be the sought after.
Lord am sure you knew when I never passed a test(for a promising dream job) neither did my performance excite my interviewers?

You knew how unattractive I was when several lovers bounced my heart? one lasted for a week, another two months, then 6 months lover and one of two years? Some left scratching and puncturing my heart and even trying to steal my confidence?
Lord I'm sorry for counting the woes cos it makes me sad but it helps me look back with UNTOLD joy.

For a while you kept away the job, was it not to make me grow intimately with you?
When you took away jobs, was it not to deliver me from flirty bosses and organizational lies? Has it not paid off now that I'm not in a sham marriage or an abusive relationship?

That you used the line and hook to drag me out of murky relationships? In my thoughts, they were "it" but in your ways you knew I'd either lose you or die....
Have you not saved me from permanent sorrows and pains? Lord I just had to recall my years of disappointment and trials so I could tear the roof off with praise. I'm gratefully thanking you for hijacking my life and not bombing it with some selfish decisions I took but you landed it so safe in your REST.

Thank you for taking the time to patiently renew my life, choosing to love me not as a fair weather friend and for your exceedingly, abundant bowels of mercy even when I'm wrong, lukewarm, callous, lax, hardened, hateful, proud, doubtful and fleshy!

Lord you've used my past to reveal your STEADFAST love for me, you've loved me with no reservations and no price tags attached. Daily you rock me in love pouring out favor and mercy into my wells.

You're a FATHER so tender and a LOVER so true Amen.

Friday, September 3, 2010


The yellow bus is a market place . You find severe hustling, money changing, heavy negotiations, harassment from buyers and rude attitudes from sellers- like a market place a yellow bus can be. Some days are never complete without a buyer staging a scene i.e. brawl between a passenger I call the “buyer” and the seller-the bus conductor.

The conductor: A "uncontrollable, violent, wild-eyed" guy. He hangs like a commodity on the door of the bus. He’s one guy with a coarse husky voice& a mean character: sounds like rusted zinc sheets dragged on a rough edge;ruffled pitted face, black lips, a pierced haggard probably hard look with rumpled, unkempt dressing, an ear ring, sagged jeans, bare chest with overgrown hairy-oozing armpit(yuck).Though some appear neat but a greater percentage are proud to look as violent as touts.No age limits for this occupation!

The Driver: Exasperated, worn out, wild-looking,always aggressive, inconsiderate to commuters.

Types of Drivers: The calm Staff using his bus to raise additional income, the opportunist out to extort and frustrate commuters, the haggard “eko” boy fighting for a living, the middle aged father, the “wanna be”, the drunk and red eyed guy, etc.

Today, the yellow bus was noisy: there is always a hassle over hiked fare, “conductor” quibbling over not having change or holding to people’s cash and stressing the life out of angry passengers returning from a stressful day’s work.

Day’s ago, I boarded a bus as quiet as a grave yard. Everyone including the driver looked serious, thoughtful, maybe somber and a “mind your business” kinda look that if I pinched my skin, people would hear it taut!

Once, I stepped into a musical auditorium: call it “MTV bus” where hot Osupa/Pasuma-Yoruba Fuji buzzed like alcohol. In this case, the “conductor &driver” are on the high not considering their passengers-ever ready to shoot abuses like blows on defaulting passengers. I pity one who sits by crazy/ready to fight passengers (some are ready to lose their scarf, ties etc just to go to battle with a driver/conductor who has no repute to protect or face to hide-wagging war is part of their work description. Some drivers/conductors are surnamed trouble or Aggression!. They always stir a quarrel, prefer to“demand for T-fare” grudgingly, so filled with angst perhaps some transferred heat on all passengers - no decorum, no friendliness whatsoever; “I de tell u now, if u no get change ,com down now”,1k,500 no enta o,no shanse(change) i don tey u now’’ , “wole-wole”, “nah 100( for a N50naira distance o!) if u nor wan enter come down”… and lots more-always hostile!

I entered a bus where the livid driver abused a passenger to his ancestry because of a fare. He said;”I’ll feed your family’’ and the rather irate and ever ready-with-a-reply passenger responded like;”for that statement, you and your family will never excel” on and on they went ….I was dead stiff- all for hiked fares?Hmn!

What of when we're made to jump in like frogs, squeezed like lemonade and squashed like sardine in a bid to make extra bucks for seats made for three people?

Some buses are perhaps the driver’s living room-you find personal effects kept in a corner over our heads.
Some have “attaché” -wooden seats-that don’t only wound buttocks and rip clothes but cause friction around the “bom-bom” – imagine how the makers of these cars would feel?

Some buses genuinely looking like burial grounds and refuse dumps.

Some buses are scraps with no speedometers, no seat belts, neither are there fuel gauge nor brakes, no car keys and no shock absorbers etc. At times, they look like they’d fall apart on high speed. Most won’t accept new tires, engine, and people. Some do not have spare parts anywhere in the world ‘cos they are extinct...Dead!