...Am I angry with being a church nun? No! Will I ever regret being born a priest? Never and No! I actually love being called from obscurity to lime light. I came to God in the most "abstract" but true way. My journey to the new and only way was absolutely gradual until a friend prayed with me leading me into Heavens way.
Receiving God as a young folk was sweet. I gained a seat in the company of faithfuls, received approval from Chapel gurus and my very spiritual siblings counted me worthy to discuss spiritual talks. To me, a lovely day when Heaven stood in an ovation receiving a lost soul like me.
That simple child like mind grew in pure,un diluted faith knowingly pleasing to God till I wilfully joined the "House of Sanhedrins" as a commoner, bowing to all religious laws, submitting to every unfamiliar rule and frolicking with law givers as the gullible follower never able to make a profound statement of truth or counter the jaw breaking laws. I was stuck in their fetters, chains dangling from my hands to my feet; held bound by man's sweetly coated sermon...
Thought my feet should be shod with the Gospel of peace?Selah. Then, why does the chain tying my feet make me cringe in pain? Why are my suddenly rigid, fearful and "churchily" churchy?
It used to be FREE, when on that blissful day I walked into that banquet hall and experienced genuine love. I found peace I'd never known, though bumpy with persecution,suffering and hate from pallies on the other side,it was glorious.
Knowing no other life, I pressed into the churchy life(to gain approval I did),learning the ropes, knowing the necessary parlance and the Christianese. I bagged my title and stuck in the mud!
Shame on legalism, cursed are the laws of men and woe is me who hung on the tree my Saviour hanged.
I wouldn't dare return to the world if not ol' pallies would scorn and I didn't know how to retrace my steps to the life I once received- the chains...Ouch! So familiar like my past, so comfortable yet hurting.
And did I ever gain liberty? You wait and hear me out.
I proceeded from one sect to another growing in rank and file, meditating on their practise and procedures, reciting "terminologies" to "feel among", swearing the oath of each sect and abiding to rules; playing safe and seeking approval; losing the SOURCE and carrying baggages and weighty "resources" BUT still hurting.
Where did this entanglement begin?
In the beginning it was not so...
Like Paul would list his religious achievement, I say:
-I was born and baptised by sprinkling into the "Orthodox movement" with a Baptismal certificate to show for it.
-Raised under a strict and long standing Presbyterian Father of good repute- well respected in that circle for all he had or knew
-Became an active member of different "clubs" in the church
-Enrolled for " confirmation" class at the age of 18 to become an eligible member of the church- call it "Communicant" member- to have access to or dine at the Communion table
Then, my Pentecostal mind began to rebel. I sought for a new feeling, I went left when others went right. My dad was crossed because my "communion card" was empty and that could mean cancelling my name from the church register and that didn't go down well with Daddy's repute
-Sneaked to a Pentecostal church of my choice and joined an organised,decent and I say rigid campus fellowship where I learned a lot about God yet boxed up according to the laws of the fellowship
- I grew to become an Executive member, giving orders to my followers I didn't believe in from my heart, secretly I broke out of the box, and afraid of what the "Elders" would say
Need I say more? I broke all odds because my heart just HATED status quo. I deliberately dodged Corpers fellowship and fell into "fire"- a very old time religion of laws, rules and systems of men and my whole being rebelled.
Today, I still rebel not against the church of Jesus or a body of believers but against the LAWS and rules set up by man's religious system. I also fight my "church mind" and I am at this point saying;
Today, I still rebel not against the church of Jesus or a body of believers but against the LAWS and rules set up by man's religious system. I also fight my "church mind" and I am at this point saying;
"Loose me from the bondage of law that I may walk by faith"
I want to meet with Jesus at the well, in the market square, on the mounts and in the boats. I desire a church without bricks,sitting on the grass, walking on the streets and reclining on my master's bosom.
Yes, call me a critique,for this reason my Lord was crucified that I may come to Him by FAITH. I don't want to be reminded of the Mosaic laws but the words of Jesus at the well;
"Believe me, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship God here or in Jerusalem....
But the time is coming and is ALREADY here when true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for anyone who will worship him that way. For God is spirit, so those who worship him must worship in SPIRIT and in TRUTH.
And in my last words...I am not a backsliding Christian, I am a backsliding "law-keeper". I dread laws, they make me afraid of God like hiding my face from his glory; they forever breed guilt and condemnation.
Laws stink; laws reveal sin and dry my bones up. They will never make any man right before God.
Paul my brother racked the word at the "foolish Galatians" who for once desired God by the spirit but started striving by their efforts to know God.
"The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that’s the real life.” Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: “The one who does these things [rule-keeping]continues to live by them.” Christ redeemed us from that self-defeating, cursed life by absorbing it completely into himself. Do you remember the Scripture that says, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”? That is what happened when Jesus was nailed to the Cross: He became a curse, and at the same time dissolved the curse. And now, because of that, the air is cleared and we can see that Abraham’s blessing is present and available for non-Jews, too. We are all able to receive God’s life, his Spirit, in and with us by believing—just the way Abraham received it"
Right now, I am Galatians 3 crazy! My "churchy mind" wants to be FREE not bound to know God. I want intimacy over the "slave/task driver relationship. I desire LIBERTY to walk with God and abide by His instructions....
"The snare is broken and I am escaped like a bird out of the snare of the fowler, amen."
My churchy mind free me and let me see Jesus face to face...
