Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Why is he still LOOKING OUT for me?

Lord did you know they'd be days I'll hate and not love?Moments all I'd do is to sow hate,discord,bitterness and unrest?
Did you not see the days I'd fight clients, colleagues and my boo? You knew I'd throw tantrums at my old people and keep off from relatives- with my doors shut in their faces?
Am sure you perceived I'd break up with certain friends and dodge the persistent ones?
Lord I'd ask again with a whimsical smile sure you remember Abraham did ask; "What of those weeks of incessant doubt, fear, insomnia born out of worry? Recall nights I drank tears and eased it out as pain? Months I lived without a penny nor an income? Years I lived without an intimate lover or husband?A decade and months without a career path neither did I have a mentor and counselor?

Remember I lounged in bed nursing a baby called "self-pity" and refused calls from people who'd term me as laid-back and not "pushful"?
Lord,I've had it "hurt" from friends + brethren. I've wailed on an uncompetitive and average-looking CV and prospective employers have slammed their gates in my face and I've been turned down severally in places i thought I'd be the sought after.
Lord am sure you knew when I never passed a test(for a promising dream job) neither did my performance excite my interviewers?

You knew how unattractive I was when several lovers bounced my heart? one lasted for a week, another two months, then 6 months lover and one of two years? Some left scratching and puncturing my heart and even trying to steal my confidence?
Lord I'm sorry for counting the woes cos it makes me sad but it helps me look back with UNTOLD joy.

For a while you kept away the job, was it not to make me grow intimately with you?
When you took away jobs, was it not to deliver me from flirty bosses and organizational lies? Has it not paid off now that I'm not in a sham marriage or an abusive relationship?

That you used the line and hook to drag me out of murky relationships? In my thoughts, they were "it" but in your ways you knew I'd either lose you or die....
Have you not saved me from permanent sorrows and pains? Lord I just had to recall my years of disappointment and trials so I could tear the roof off with praise. I'm gratefully thanking you for hijacking my life and not bombing it with some selfish decisions I took but you landed it so safe in your REST.

Thank you for taking the time to patiently renew my life, choosing to love me not as a fair weather friend and for your exceedingly, abundant bowels of mercy even when I'm wrong, lukewarm, callous, lax, hardened, hateful, proud, doubtful and fleshy!

Lord you've used my past to reveal your STEADFAST love for me, you've loved me with no reservations and no price tags attached. Daily you rock me in love pouring out favor and mercy into my wells.

You're a FATHER so tender and a LOVER so true Amen.